On Not Becoming a Gamer

I started reflecting on my gaming experience and why I never got into the experience after reading Adrienne Shaw’s article “On Not Becoming Gamers: Moving Beyond the Constructed Audience.”

Because playing video games had the attached connotation of being “only fun” and a “waste of time”, my parents were adamant on never buying any sort of gaming console for my brother and I. They never saw gaming as a learning experience and instead saw it as something detrimental to our growth and maturity.

Even as I got older and I had more access to video games when going over to my friends’ houses, I still never found it to be a fulfilling and satisfying experience. This is likely due to the fact that I felt that I was never able to identity with and relate to the protagonists of the games. Because there was a lack of Asian representation in video games, especially that of Asian women, I never felt like I could immerse within the experience of the characters in the game. Even if there was a game in which Asian representation was shown, it was usually culturally appropriative, stereotypical, or a fetishization of Asian women. These inaccurate representations made me uncomfortable and it felt like my entire culture and identity was being exoticized for the white gaze.

The only game I found myself being able to get into was Club Penguin. Although the characters within the game were all penguins, I felt like I was able to create the penguin’s identity and experience in my own way. I was able to curate my penguin’s narrative within the game in a way that I was able to identify with. For example, my penguin became a secret agent that went on these missions to try and solve crime/mishaps that occurred within the Club Penguin community. By identifying with the penguin, I was able to immerse myself in the experience of becoming a secret agent as a woman, which made me feel empowered and “cool”.